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Nov 5, 2019 | Rambling

It is no lie that life can be hard. It can sometimes seems that things are constantly thrown at you from every direction. The only constant is change and that can be hard to flow with. One can try and plan to make situations easier but it is common that plans need to be adjusted. We as humans find comfort in predictability. When changes arise it can cause anxiety and initiate stress. This is something very common to me and something I work through moment by moment. If I was living alone, the predictability would be there, therefore, changes would be a lot easier to adapt to and replan. The truth is that there are little individuals in my life who count on me and so the predictability is thrown out the window quite often. Someone who has been struggling for quite some time to find stability, this has been a large stressing point in my life.

Throughout the changes of my life, there has only been one constant ... that me and mine are okay. My children always have food in their mouth, clothes on their back and a warm bed to sleep in. But yet I still find myself stressing that it is not enough. I often wonder why I have these feelings when I know that they are taken care of properly. I carry feelings of guilt because I have made wrong decisions and therefore was not able to provide that "family unit" for my kids. Relationships have never really been my strong suit and feeling guilty is affecting how I move forward. I do not regret the situations and events that have happened in my life, because they have molded me into the individual I am today. So why would it be any different for my kids? I do not want them to experience the things that I did in my childhood but the fact is that they could. It may not be in the same degree as what I have been through but none the less, these experiences are going to form them into adults with insight and knowledge. As a parent, we can only hope and guide our children in the direction we would like them to go. At the end of the day, the child will make the decision on how to use what is given to them. I live within a victim mentality for a very long time, confidence and self-esteem were not friends of mine. But as an adult, I can look back at my experiences and see how they have made me the awesome person I am today. So why is it that I keep stressing myself out today about things that are beyond my control in the future? Especially the paths my children choose to take.

I the feel it is safe to assume that my parents did not think my life would turn out how it is; and I often wonder if they had the same stress that I am feeling about my children. Doing my best to pick them up when they are down and worrying about if I am providing them with the love I feel they deserve. If you are a parent and you share my concerns, we need to stop this! If we are providing them with the basic necessities and an abundance of love, their path is going to be paved in gold. I write this post today to acknowledge to my Higher Self and the Universe that I am no longer going to stress about the path of my children because I know they are protected and are going to do great things in their lives. Even if these great things do not align with who I am, I am going to be proud of them regardless.

I choose to be proud of myself as well! My life is full of love and possibilities and that is fucking awesome! You should be proud of yourself too. If you are reading this, you are here to learn and grow and that says a lot. I may not be the best teacher but I do have a lot of wisdom inside that comes out sporadically. I am here to learn and grow as well. When I started my website I had a whole vision planned out, but things have changed. I have been trying to do too much for too long and it's time to focus and narrow down where I put my energy.

My hopes for the website was to be a place where people could come and feel safe to express themselves. A place where judgment does not live and love is expressed in many ways. My lifestyle is multifaceted but it is hard to put it in a webpage when it has taken years to get to this point. I am going to continue to focus on Tarot, to increase my learning and to deliver any messages that I receive. All the other things that are a part of my life will eventually make it on to my page but right now my love for tarot is what has brought me here. Maybe it is what has brought you here.

I have burdened myself with feelings of shame because I do not always consistently post #COTD and #COTW. It takes a lot of time and energy to do these readings, stylize them so they look attractive, and do them every single day. So I'm not going to put that stress on myself anymore and just go with the flow. What does this mean? I wish I knew but whatever it is it is going to be authentic to me.

I am sitting here rambling to say this, you are enough! Your time and effort and intentions are enough. We need to stop stressing about the feeling other people's prophecies and live our own true life. I aspire to be somebody known for my talents but it is not going to happen as quickly as I assumed. We are all forever evolving and changing and that is a beautiful thing. We will all find our place in this rat race called life. I no longer want to sprint through experiences, I want to live them. Stopping to smell the roses does not mean that we are not keeping up with things. I feel so much truth in the saying that "it is not the destination but the journey". If you are somebody like me who has been focused on the destination, let's make the time to smell the roses because they will not be there forever.

Much Love...


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